


DILF

by Aristaeus



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Kid Fic, M/M, for Megs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-04-06
Packaged: 2018-03-21 14:53:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3696479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aristaeus/pseuds/Aristaeus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry knows that his husband is young, beautiful, and incredibly charming. He also knows that others are well aware of these attributes. When people see Eggsy with their son, a miniature Eggsy in both looks and charm, suddenly people have uncontrollable urges to make them their own. For his own sanity, he ignores the staring that follows Eggsy around. </p>
<p>Then came trophy mum number 1.</p>
            </blockquote>





	DILF

**Author's Note:**

> For my dear friend Megs (eggsyplant.tumblr.com), who I torture with Hartwin headcanons until she is forced to write things out for me.

Harry knows that his husband is young, beautiful, and incredibly charming. He also knows that others are well aware of these attributes. When people see Eggsy with their son, a miniature Eggsy in both looks and charm, suddenly people have uncontrollable urges to make them their own. For his own sanity, he ignores the staring that follows Eggsy around. 

Then came trophy mum number 1. 

She seemed nice at first, so Harry gives her the benefit of the doubt. That is until she starts rubbing Eggsy’s arm and looks at him from under her eyelashes. Eggsy’s too busy proudly retelling Liam’s most recent goal to notice. Judging by her, not so quiet huffing, she's realised she isn’t getting anywhere. Before Harry can step in, she rolls her eyes and makes her excuses before leaving. Eggsy looks over at him, smiles and then makes his way into the seat next to Harry. Harry smiles before they both focus on what Liam’s teacher is saying about the Bake Sale.

Harry isn’t there for the next incident, but Liam is, and he's very creative in describing what the substitute had said and done when his Daddy had picked him up. Long story short, Harry had to make a visit to said substitute teacher, and discuss the appropriate times in which one can make a pass at a student’s father, re: NEVER. 

Especially when said student is within hearing range. 

Incidents 3 & 4 were more embarrassing, than BAD TOUCH, for everyone involved. Besides all it took to discourage 3 & 4 was for Harry to guide Eggsy and Liam, both exhausted and giggly, into the car. Eggsy hadn't even noticed that the couple had been trying to recruit him for a threesome.

5-10 are a bunch of 6 year olds that Liam has invited for his 5th birthday. They spend a lot of the time following Eggsy around. One little boy approaches Eggsy with flowers from Harry’s garden, Harry was not impressed. Another girl spends the whole time peeking out at Eggsy from behind her friend’s back. Whenever Eggsy turned her way, she squeaked, and dived back behind her human shield. Harry doesn’t have the heart to stop any of them.

Incident number 11 involved a rich, established man around Eggsy’s age. He was a chaperone at a school dance and had cornered Eggsy near the refreshment tables. From Harry’s seat in the corner, he can see how handsy the man is getting. He would be worried, but Eggsy is a trained spy. He’s been Galahad for 8 years, and is more than capable of defending himself. When he looks back, the man has an arm wrapped low around Eggsy’s waist, and is whispering into his ear. Harry sees red. 

He’s halfway there when Liam runs over and wraps himself around his Dad’s legs. Effectively knocking that man away from Eggsy, and drawing Eggsy’s attention to him. Harry reaches them in time for him to hear Eggsy say goodbye to the man and lift Liam up. When he spots Harry, he smiles and says, “Our little man is knackered, love. You ready to go home?”

Harry smiles and nods. When his husband and son flash sleepy smiles his way, he forgets the other man entirely and wraps his arm around them. As they walk to the doors, he can’t help but notice the longing looks thrown Eggsy’s way. If asked, he will deny stopping Eggsy. And he will definitely deny the, too steamy for the venue, kiss that he initiates in full view of the other chaperones. He absolutely does not do that. 

No matter what Eggsy claims.

There are more incidents that follows, but Harry takes them in stride. He can’t blame the others for wanting. He is after all, just as enthralled by his husband as the rest of them. They just have to remember that while he’s in the picture, nothing will be happening.

Eggsy knows he’s not a bad looking guy. Of course he does, he owns a mirror, has a husband who loves to remind him, and is second highest success rate for honeypot missions (just behind Roxy). So he definitely notices the looks he receives at Liam’s school. He just dismisses them and continues on with making sure that his kid gets to school on time. 

What he can’t dismiss, are the looks that are sent his husband’s way. Because even though Harry is hitting his late 50s, the man is still just as gorgeous as he was when they met. And he is DEFINITELY fitter than the other parents and teachers at Liam’s school. His breaking point comes when he overhears a discussion between two mums, in juicy detail, what they would do to Harry if given the chance. 

He’s not ashamed to admit that, after ensuring most of the parents had arrived in the pickup area, everyone within 20m of the school saw just how unavailable and uninterested his husband was.

It doesn’t take long for word to spread that they are both off the market. And whenever new students arrived with uninformed parents, the other parents are more then happy to warn them off of the Unwin-Hart family. 

If they persist, well, both Harry and Eggsy are more than happy to demonstrate just how uninterested they are.


End file.
